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Q. I am an only child but my dad is very quiet on estate planning. I am unsure what to do at this point. I’m 40 years old and my dad is 67 years old. He owns a home, a boat, three cars and a cat. He is still working as a labour foreman for a construction company and he has had a live-in girlfriend for over 20 years now. My dad and I talk about every two or three days to check in, say hello and talk about his two granddaughters. When my mother (my dad’s ex-wife) died in 2021 I got serious about estate planning and asking my dad about his final affairs. But he is reluctant to say anything or show me anything. I am unsure if my name is on the house, or anything else, and just don’t want to be blindsided when the inevitable happens. I told him about two months ago to please not leave his affairs unplanned nor undocumented and if his girlfriend’s name is on documents as beneficiary, I just want to know to not cause any issues. She hasn’t worked in years and I’m unsure whether or how she contributes. How can I get my dad to put his affairs in order for the whole family’s sake? And if he doesn’t, what happens when he passes away if he doesn’t have a will? —Raymond in B.C.

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FP Answers: Raymond, you would not be the first to be blindsided by a parent’s estate plan. If your father makes no plan for his loved ones, the government intestacy (no will) rules will apply. The best suggestion I can give you is to hire your own lawyer in British Columbia to advise you on what happens if your father fails to plan for his demise.

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Your own lawyer can search title to find how your father’s property is owned and if it is mortgaged. It is doubtful that you are on title to the property without your knowledge. You may, however, wish to know if his property is owned with his partner.

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British Columbia has inheritance laws for common-law spouses. You need a local lawyer to advise you on these current laws so that you are not blindsided. Ontario, where I am licensed to practice law, does not have such laws. Your father’s girlfriend may be a common-law spouse with legal rights to inherit and in that case can also claim support from your father’s estate.

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Every family has different approaches to sharing information. Your father may be in good health and feel he has time to make a private estate plan and will. He may be reluctant to involve you or may resent your inquiries to share information.

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Your father may feel he can do with his estate whatever he chooses. However, he may not understand his legal obligations. These obligations could include his grandchildren and his unmarried girlfriend of more than 20 years, who you say is out of work. Is the girlfriend self-employed? Is she working remotely from your father’s home? Can you prove this? Do they own joint assets or have a contract?

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In terms of his legal and tax obligations, your father needs his own advisers. They can advise him if he has support obligations for his loved ones. You could suggest a family meeting with his lawyer, but I would be wary suggesting this at the start if your father is reluctant to share. He may have excluded you from his plans. He may not wish to communicate this to you to avoid having you meddle in his financial or romantic matters.

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Your father may not be concerned about taxes or his legacy. What will motivate him to make a plan? Is it peace of mind, income tax or his wish to avoid leaving behind messy situations that lawyers must resolve? Lack of a will could draw you into court with lawyers to deal with an intestate (no will) estate. Your father should invest in legal advice.

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So who should educate your father? You may offer suggestions but cannot unduly influence your father. He may feel motivated to provide for his granddaughters. You may wish to ask him how he wishes to be remembered by his grandchildren.

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Edward Olkovich is an Ontario lawyer at MrWills.com. He is certified by the Law Society of Ontario as a specialist in estates and trusts law. This information does not substitute for legal advice.

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