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I was in the middle of writing a different Optimizer column this week when I learned that Pete Hegseth is getting ready to roid out America’s armed forces.

The announcement came in an X post, because of course it did. “The High-T Department of War,” the post read. There was a two-minute, 30-second video underneath. As I hit play, my soul morphed into that meme of a screaming, crying cat.

“We have a sacred duty to maintain that advantage, which is why we must constantly look for ways to optimize your performance, your resilience, and your long-term health,” Hegseth says, addressing America’s “war fighters,” before announcing a new, mandatory program annually screening service members over 30 years old for testosterone deficiency. (The test will also be available on a voluntary basis for those under 30.) If a deficiency is found, service members can opt into — but will not be required to accept — testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). According to The New York Times, these screenings will also include women.

“This initiative, it’s not about artificial enhancement. It’s about restoring and optimizing your natural capabilities, protecting your longevity, and ensuring you have the biological foundation required to sustain the fight,” Hegseth says toward the end of the video. “As we know, the modern battlefield is brutal and unrelenting. It requires and demands maximum psychological and mental readiness. And by addressing these health markers early, we’re keeping you on the leading edge of lethality…”

If that’s not an Optimizer bat signal to break down how testosterone is being run through the wellness grifter playbook, I don’t know what is.

MAHA and the broader manosphere’s obsession with testosterone levels is not new. Like any wellness fad, it starts with broad scientific truths. After age 30, testosterone levels in men naturally decline by about one percent each year on average. Male fertility levels — as in sperm count and quality — have declined compared to previous generations, which has fueled fear in the MAHA and biohacker movements, as fertility is often considered a proxy for overall health. Average testosterone levels in men have also halved in the last 50 years or so. This has led to a dramatic increase in testosterone supplementation, with The NYT reporting that prescriptions jumped from under a million in 2000 to 12 million by 2025.

Outside of falling fertility levels, testosterone deficiency, or hypogonadism, is a genuine problem. The clinical definition is a total testosterone level under 300ng/dL, but it’s a problem that usually occurs later on in life. So if a man is found to have 350ng/dL, a biohacker might deem that suboptimal, but it’s not considered a clinical deficiency. According to the Endocrine Society, hypogonadism affects roughly 35 percent of men older than 45 and between 30 and 50 percent of men with type 2 diabetes or obesity. (Never mind that active duty in most branches of the military ends around 42 and that service members are required to meet strict body fat limits.) Low testosterone can result in decreased sperm counts, erectile dysfunction, lowered libido, fatigue, mood swings, and muscle loss. Added to this, exogenous testosterone — or not naturally produced testosterone — has long been used in gyms and in professional sports to enhance performance because it helps with muscle growth and bone density and accelerates recovery from intense exercise.

Given all this, it’s unsurprising that biohackers and the manosphere have concluded that men should be taking testosterone. You can see why RFK Jr. has called the so-called “male fertility crisis” an “existential problem,” why infamous looksmaxxer Clavicular started taking testosterone at 14 years old, why Bryan Johnson ices his balls while in the sauna, and why 91 percent of athletes at the Enhanced Games — also known as the “Steroid Olympics” — were taking some form of testosterone or testosterone ester. Many manfluencers, including Joe Rogan and Andrew Huberman, have touted TRT as a pseudo fountain of youth. Combine the science with the cultural preoccupation with masculinity, and you can understand why Hegseth wants to screen our troops for low T.

But if you take some time to investigate what Hegseth seems to think TRT will do for the military, a lot of this rhetoric starts to fall apart.

For starters, Hegseth claims this screening is in the interest of long-term health. (So far, doctors are skeptical.) It should be noted that many looksmaxxers and Silicon Valley biohackers are actually getting off testosterone, thanks to concerns about exactly that.

Case in point, sperm racing has recently taken off in Silicon Valley. Yes, you read correctly. Instead of whipping out and measuring their schlongs, tech bros in San Francisco are masturbating into cups and then watching their sperm samples race across a lab-engineered racetrack to see whose swimmers are the fastest. As ridiculous as this sounds, sperm racing has also made some looksmaxxers and biohackers realize that, perhaps counterintuitively, TRT can kill your sperm and therefore your fertility. Earlier this week, I sat in a hyper-packed back room of a bitcoin bar and watched Julius Ritter, a peptide advocate and biotech entrepreneur, give a lecture to curious would-be biohackers about his stack. Ritter cheekily joked that he had recently stopped taking TRT because, while sperm racing, he learned that he had the slowest (albeit biggest) load — his words, not mine. Likewise, Clavicular also announced recently that he had stopped TRT in a bid to fix his swimmers.

This is because when you take exogenous testosterone — be it an injection, gel, or pill — the body receives signals that it doesn’t need to actually make any of its own. That in turn hinders sperm motility in the testes because the body stops making the other reproductive hormones needed for healthy sperm development. The effect is generally temporary and reversible. But considering that service members in their 30s, and possibly 20s, are at peak ages for baby-making, unnecessary testosterone supplementation may not be ideal.

Meanwhile, the concept that testosterone can make a person into a better athlete is hotly debated. Sure, it might help you develop musculature over a long period of time. It might help you recover faster. But there are dozens of factors that go into whether someone is a good athlete, let alone a good “war fighter.” A couch potato who takes testosterone is not going to become an elite athlete or a supersoldier without the right skills, training, genetics, nutrition, or equipment. And even if you were gifted, big muscles aren’t necessarily a performance boost. Prior to the Enhanced Games, Olympian James Magnussen “juiced to the gills” and bulked up until his muscles were busting out of his swimsuit. It made him sink in the water. He’d somewhat slimmed down at the inaugural Enhanced Games, but I witnessed the man finish last in each of his races. Of course, Hegseth hasn’t clearly stated what the “goal” of TRT would be in active duty members besides ensuring a “biological foundation” to “sustain the fight.”

Neither has Hegseth released detailed information on how the military’s medical staff is gauging and diagnosing testosterone deficiency. In its 2024 guidelines for treating hypogonadism, the American Urological Association says that a diagnosis should only be made after two separate measurements combined with symptoms and signs. This is because testosterone levels naturally fluctuate. The guidelines also state that patients should be informed that TRT may not improve cognitive function, diabetes management, energy, fatigue, lipid profiles, or quality of life. As it turns out, multiple studies have found no convincing evidence that TRT is a so-called fountain of youth as influencers claim. Despite these established criteria, the AUA also says that up to a third of men who engage in TRT don’t meet the clinical criteria for testosterone deficiency. It also states that it is “clear from clinical practice that there are many men using testosterone without a clear indication.” In medical terminology, an indication refers to a valid cause for a particular test or treatment.

It’s not inherently bad to make testosterone screening and therapy available to service members. Addressing any kind of deficiency or hormonal imbalance can be a good thing for those who genuinely need it. This also isn’t about admonishing men who have ever felt curious about TRT. Given the zeitgeist and increased societal pressures on men, it’s only human to wonder.

A fundamental philosophical tension in modern wellness — and this case in particular — is whether a person should voluntarily supplement for “optimal” health or only supplement when there’s a deficiency to return them to baseline. Biohackers, optimizers, and MAHA would likely argue the former. Most doctors would argue the latter. In his X post, Hegseth tries to play both sides. While he says in the video that this mandate isn’t about artificial enhancement, his statement is peppered with biohacking buzzwords like longevity, long-term health, mental acuity, and performance.

The problem with wellness brain is that correlation doesn’t equal causation. It’s silly to assert that widespread vitamin D deficiencies are a sign that increased sunscreen use is bad. Likewise, lower testosterone levels are not proof that men are inherently weaker than previous generations. Scientists debate the causes, but many believe they could be a result of modern life increasing exposure to environmental pollution, obesity, metabolic conditions like diabetes, stress, and poor sleep. In other words, while healthy men might have normal testosterone levels, hyperfocusing on a nebulous “optimal level” via TRT won’t make you into a better man, soldier, friend, colleague, or spouse.

Whenever faced with a potential wellness grift, it’s important to identify what a grifter is trying to sell you and ask the right questions. In this case, it seems that ought to be “What does Pete Hegseth get out of a flashy PR move promoting a beefed-out military?”